Why yes, I do wear an underwire.

She looks pretty good on the outside, too.

My physician and I have been locked in mortal combat over my lipid levels. I don't want to take lipitor, and she was preparing the five-point restraints. We came to a compromise: I would have a CAT scan (at one of these fancy places^* that doesn't accept insurance) and she would then leave me alone.

I am a "zero." Ha! No lipitor for me.

But something interesting happened on the way to the CAT scan. Since the beginning of the year, I've lost 15% of my body weight. This was no great trick: I just stopped eating so much.^** We reduced our portion sizes and the amount of wine we drank with dinner, and I stopped eating when I wasn't hungry. I now weigh approximately what I did when I was on my postdoc 15 years ago. And my cholesterol? The fancy no-insurance place^* measured it at 252 - lower than it was 15 years ago. They didn't understand why I was getting the scan.

Of course it could have been a measurement error, but I'll take it for now. Meanwhile, I have to go shopping for new pants. I gave all my skinny clothes to Goodwill years ago.

I am feeling very smug right now.

^*I highly recommend the fancy no-insurance place. The waiting room was swanky, I didn't have to wait past my appointment time, and they had coffee, fruit and donuts (irony!) for the patients. The technician showed me each image and explained what she saw on each one. I got a complete copy of my records and the scan images on DVD. I paid for the scan up front, but they filled out the insurance paperwork for me, on the off chance my insurance would cover the (large) expense out-of-network.

^**Why did we do this? Despite our steady increase in weight over the years, neither of us were heavy. But I've been on a sewing binge for a while, and last winter decided to make myself some nice pants. Pattern sizes have larger numbers than off-the-rack clothes, so if you wear (say) a size 10, you will probably end up using a size 14 or 16 pattern. I made a size 14 pair of lovely dress pants. It took about two weeks fussing over every stitch, and then they were finally done. I tried them on, and despite the fact that I had chosen the pattern according to my measurements, I couldn't even get the fuckers over my hips.

She must be sore.

I have insomnia, and it's getting worse as I get older. Usually I wake up around 3:00 a.m. and can't get back to sleep. Last night I couldn't get to sleep at all. After tossing and turning for a few hours I pulled out Eliade's Myth and Reality and that did the trick.

Unfortunately, in the early hours of the morning, I was awakened by loud rapping. It was the headboard of the bed in the next room banging into the wall. It went on for 30 minutes at around 1.2 Hz. The rapping was punctuated by her moaning (I assume) with pain.

It's about 7:30 a.m. now. I've turned the television up as loud as I can. HBO is airing "Hairspray." I'm going to jump on the bed for a while.

Skymall Catalog's special "Rich and Stupid" edition.

Tired of just burning your money? Then you need a $79 sweatshirt. But not just any sweatshirt! This is a very special woo-imbued sweatshirt.

These are not your ordinary shirts! Why? Research that shows written words on containers of water can influence the water's structure for better or worse depending on the Intent of the word. The human body is over 70% water. We believe that these positive, loving and powerful words will have a profound effect on your entire being when worn on your own personal "container" on a daily basis. Imagine the feelings of Love, Peace, Courage, Strength, Hope and more, that you'll experience with these wonderful words printed on the inside of your clothing.

Where to begin?

Saturday night and I ain't got nobody.

I'll be in Chicago this weekend. I notice that the spinach ricotta cheese pie is still on the menu at Dave's Italian Kitchen. Would anyone care to join me? How long is the wait for the purple line at Howard on Saturday nights these days?

Another example of how not to get in to graduate school.

From: Hope S. Eternal
To: Angry Professor
Re: Graduate School

Hey Dr. Professor,
My name is Hope and I'm applying to the LSU Social Science Ph.D. program. Your work on [cut and paste from website] looks very interesting. Can you tell me what else you're working on? Are you accepting new students?

Hope

Thank god it's over.

My paternal grandparents came from the Ozarks, a place to which their ancestors fled (the family speculates) after deserting the Union army. They eventually settled in Atlanta and became slumlords, providing barely livable housing to poor Black families. They referred to their clientele exclusively as "The N---ers." My father taught me that was not an acceptable way to refer to a person of color, even while he speculated that there must be something wrong with people who would live in the squalid conditions established by my grandfather.

My maternal grandfather was a South Carolina native, a state that his ancestors came to as landed gentry. My ancestors were slave-owners, and my mother's very unusual maiden name is shared by our White line and a Black line that my aunts and uncles have tried very hard to ignore. My grandfather was a farmer, and he had Black tenant farmers -- sharecroppers. My grandmother was fond of entertaining guests, and would, for large parties, ask the sharecroppers' wives to serve dinner for her guests. She would make them wear black dresses with white aprons. My grandfather was heard to tell them, "Mind you say nothing to my guests." We were not permitted to play with their children.

I grew up in a town in the middle of a Midwestern state. There were no Black families in my town. I only saw Black children when I visited my grandparents. When I reached high school, I finally had two Black classmates. Thanks to my upbringing, I was incapable of interacting with them in any way that wasn't ignorant and racist. I like to think I've come a long way since then.

I am not going to tell you, my readers, for whom I voted for president. We had two smart and decent candidates from which to choose, both with strong qualifications and both with serious limitations. Never mind for whom you and I cast our votes: I am very proud today to be a citizen of these United States.

I'm paralyzed.

No, I haven't dropped off the face of the Earth. However, I can't blog anything right now. I'm over at pollster, transfixed by tiny little movements in proportions not significantly different from 0.5. It's like popping bubble wrap; I can't stop myself. If y'all don't hear from me by Thursday, I'll probably need some help getting out.