Chris did eventually bring Jolie home last night. I had to call him and ask him to do it before 7pm which he didnt. It was pretty much 8 o'clock. I was a nervous wreck by the time the doorbell rang. Im not sure I will ever be able to trust him again.

[Before you continue reading, I do not care to hear yr criticism bout my life and personal choices.]

I am done. Im an addict. Ive been battling addiction for the past 5-6 years. Ive been using opiates pretty much everyday for the past 6-7 months. I overdosed in April and that didnt even stop me.  One of my closest friends just overdosed last week. I cant live like this anymore. I dont want to lose my kids or leave them without a mother. So I went back to the methadone clinic this morning. I cant seem to stop on my own. This is what I need right now. I was on methadone through out my pregnancy with Maddox. It kept my cravings away and I didnt use drugs at all. I should have stayed on it a lil longer after his birth. I detoxed myself too soon. I ended up getting high not even 2 months after I detoxed off of the methadone. I want my life back. Plus- I dont want to screw up college because of my addiction. I want my kids to have a better mother. I am a mother with an addiction. Not an addict who has kids. 

Maddox's father, Brent is currently incarcerated. I consider myself single at the moment. But  he and I are trying to work things out. I want us to be a family. But he and I both have to straighten our lives out. I love him with all my heart. But he hasnt been there for me when Ive needed him. He has to prove himself to me. I stopped at the jail on my way home from the clinic this morning to ask bout visitation. He was moved recently form a jail 30 minutes away to one 5 minutes away. So Maddox and I have not seen him since before he was arrested. It was too early for visits and they wouldnt tell me if I was on his visitor's list. They cant tell me until I come in for an actual visit. I cant wait to see his face and hear his voice. He hasnt been able to call. Ive gotten a couple letters. I really want to take Maddox to visit so they can bond. They both need each other in their lives. I can only pray that he has changed and that things will get better for us.