I spent a day this week running errands with my 85 year old cousin. She would never be taken for an 85 year old woman. One might guess her for 70, but surely no older. She's starting to talk about The Event, meaning her death. A few posts ago, I talked about how it felt to be with her through the organizing of wills, health care proxies, etc. Today we started talking about funerals and burials. Then I started to think -- what would I want carved on my tombstone? What would any of us want there?

That was an old question in Transactional Analysis (The I'm OK-You're OK people). It was assumed that the answer one gave to this question had two parts --- what was on the front of the stone, and what was on the back of the stone (with the back being the real truth).

Paul Newman himself was quoted as saying, "I picture my epitaph: Here lies Paul Newman, who died a failure because his eyes turned brown. "

Now, putting reality aside for a minute, since I plan to be cremated and stoneless, I honestly did pass some time today wondering what I would have on my stone in addition to the bare facts. The first thought that crossed my mind was:

Please move over; you're standing on my wristbone.

But then I thought that was hardly serious enough. The point after all, was to find the phrase that either summed up my life, or gave my parting message, the eternal Aloha, not a carved in version of the bonnest of my bon mots.

How is it we wish to be remembered? Is it for the works we have done, the accomplishments in a worldly sense? That is perfectly legitimate. Any answer is. Is it for the feelings we have had, the character we have constructed of ourselves? Is it our beliefs?
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Here are the epitaphs of some famous women :

Susan B Anthony - Liberty, Humanity, Justice, Equality

Emily Dickenson - CALLED BACK

Belle STARR - Shed not for her the bitter tear
Nor give the heart to vain regret
Tis but the casket that lies here
The gem that filled it sparkles yet

Bette Davis - She did it the hard way

Virginia Woolf - AGAINST YOU I WILL FLING MYSELF,
UNVANQUISHED AND UNYIELDING, O DEATH!

Sylvia Plath - Even amidst fierce flames the golden lotus can be planted.
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And some bloggers are discussing the idea as well.

Mrs Successful posts the Tired Woman's Epitaph on her blog:

Here lies a poor woman who was always tired;
She lived in a house where help was not hired.
Her last words on earth were: "Dear friends, I am going
where washing ain't done, nor sweeping, no sewing:
but everything there is exact to my wishes;
for where they don't eat there's no washing of dishes...
don't mourn for me now; don't mourn for me never -
I'm going to do nothing for ever and ever.

Two Cookies a Day suggests an 8 word epitaph and asks readers to respond in kind:

Loved God, Loved Family, Loved Life, Had Fun

Aziz creates an epitaph for a socialite :

Here lies my black dress
void of content, and laid to rest
No perfume sprays or wine stains for a while
Here lies my black dress in the "give-a-way" pile

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Well, it all points to the larger question -- how do we wish to be remembered? Using the stone as a base for the question, what might you like said of or by you on that stone? (Imagine you'll have one, if you have to.) I'll post mine after y'all post yours.

OK, your stone is all set up. It is the real tabula rasa, blank and waiting. You have to inscribe something in addition to your name and dates. You write........???

Mata H also blogs in a lively fashion at Time's Fool